Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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