KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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