i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
