The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
