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it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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