Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
