i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When did angry sex become our thing?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
