i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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