Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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