Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
