The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
