every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
