I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
