this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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