K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
