Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
