What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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