the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
