Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
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Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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