Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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