Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
