very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
