I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
