Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
