You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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