after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
