okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
