if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
