i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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