so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
