The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
