We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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