At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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