She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
