Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
