It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize