I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
