But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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