you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize