Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
