I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
