Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Floor bacon is actually really good
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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