Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
