dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
