My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
