so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
