Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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