Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
