I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
