am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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