im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
