We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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