Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
