i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just puked most of my soul out..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
